alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize