we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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