Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
