Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
