We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
