he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
