Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
