i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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