Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
