i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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