I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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