im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
