Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
