Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
