She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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