Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
