On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
