In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
