haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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