some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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