i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
