Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
