Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
