shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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