I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
