So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
