Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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