He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
how drunk are you?
Several
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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