I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
