Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
