i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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