the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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