Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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