So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
