Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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