I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
