69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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