You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
