I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
