my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
