no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
