I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
