Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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