How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
