we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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