Swine flu. Run for my life!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
