i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
