I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
