And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
