Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
