Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
