It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
