oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize