Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
