Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
