If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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