Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
