That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
