Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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