Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
