That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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