Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
