My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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