so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
