I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
